


A Bullet

by thebriars



Series: Hamiltrash Incorporated: The Drabble Collection [9]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Character Study, Drabble, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Sex, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, basically everything is implied/referenced, itS A CHARACTER STUDY OK, weird poetic writing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-05
Updated: 2018-02-05
Packaged: 2019-03-13 22:58:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13580712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebriars/pseuds/thebriars
Summary: A character study of John Laurens.--Some people took bullets for others.John took a bullet for himself.





	A Bullet

Some people took bullets for others.

John took a bullet for himself.

He wished he were of the nobler breed of men, who had the strength and capacity to go through with what he wanted. But, then again, this nobler breed would never have fallen to John's moral status in the first place. Had he been a true Laurens in life, there would be no Laurens in death. He would have existed as a man with a pretty wife and bright eyed children and a standard job in government with Alexander at his side. But John never acted the part of a true Laurens, and in his freedom he found his folly.

It would appear that violet eyes and violent grins were his folly. It would appear that men- wise, beautiful men- were his Achilles' Heel, and despite the hours John spent on his knees before the pulpit, he found himself on his knees before Alexander time and time again.

And John stood with his feet planted on the earth- the glorious, wonderful earth- with a gun in his hand and blood in his mouth. He saw candlelight reflected in heavy eyes and shattered color breaking through the cold gray of a cathedral and he saw the future and the past but most of all the present.

John was enough of a Laurens to know he couldn't do it. He couldn't take Alexander to bed when both had their lovely wives at home and their curious children to entertain. He couldn't do what Alexander asked of him. Congress meant rekindling the bonfire that consumed their souls.

John was enough of a Laurens to charge into battle with adrenaline in his veins and fury in his head and fire in his heart. He would pull the trigger a thousand times over if only to feel something, anything at all, in the churning sea he had built himself.

But John was not enough of a Laurens to convince himself it was another cause. He took his bullet with grace. It was a sorry shot, too. Had he been of sound mind, John could have avoided it with ease.

He took the bullet anyway and sighed in relief when the darkness closed in, because it was over now.

He hoped they would be happy.

**Author's Note:**

> welp
> 
> let me know what you think


End file.
